For those you can't have or yet to hold near

I hate waking up from a great dream…

When you open your eyes to consciousness, that’s all it will be – a dream.

Now I’m back to face the antithesis of the scenes that my subconscious conjured up. It’s heartbreaking, and we have all felt it at one point of our lives. Just when we thought things were going as heaven planned, we are snapped right back into our regular and normal lives. Just when I thought it was real, I realize that it’s not as close to existence as I’d hoped or felt. I hate that feeling, this feeling of bitterness that bites me at the peripherals. Every day is now a challenge not to collapse under the weight of your lips or break from the pressure of your hips. It’s tormenting, like that, for all those who have seen their dreams walk right by or sit in front of your eyes then slip away, possibly forever. So when I see you, I am feeling more bitter than I should be, knowing how near you are to my lips, and yet far enough for us to belong in different universes. And I say to myself, “I will never again be a victim!” yet here I am, fighting to breathe each time you ignore me (knowing that it will be the death of me if you spare me a look). So don’t be alarmed by the coldness in my voice, or the stoic expression on my face since it’s the only way I know how to save myself from the lacerations of seeing you walk away and me waking up to find you gone. Each time you get up to leave, don’t make a sound so I will not notice that I already miss you. Each time you come to me, forgive me if I fail to utter the words that will make you feel like everything that mattered. I barely know how to forge a smile on your face or make your insides flutter with tension. All I know is that you are dream that will be gone as soon as I open my eyes, and in order to keep you near enough for me to feel you, I will try my best never to open them again.

--- JFB

Traveling Through Life Alone

But isn’t it scary to travel the world alone? To go through life alone if you feel unprepared?

Yes, it can be scary. That’s the reason to learn to do it.

Don’t know how to find your way in a strange city? Start with the place you live — get lost and find your way back. Learn to use Google Maps, then learn to find visual landmarks. Now branch out into nearby cities. Now take a trip armed with your new skills. Ask for directions. Learn to be OK with getting lost.

Don’t know how to pay bills and manage your life? Start with one bill. Teach yourself life management skills one at a time. Become self-sufficient. It’s better to learn to stand on your own two feet than to have to rely on someone else. If you can be self-sufficient, then relying on someone else is an act of strength, not of weakness.

Don’t know how to protect yourself? Learn to avoid bad situations. Learn to be aware of your surroundings. Learn how to get away. Learn how to defend yourself, at least enough to call for help. You’ll feel more confident in going places alone.

Traveling through life alone is a learning process, but you become stronger as you go. It’s like a child who can’t find his way home alone — doing it the first time is scary, but he’s safer and better off having learned the way.

Bakit?

Para sa mga pangarap na iniwan na natin sa langit.
Para sa posibilidad ng bukas.
Para sa pusong panay peklat na.
Para pagdami ng mga ngiti sa mundo.
Para sa mga iniwan na nating emosyon.
Para sa mga naiwan rin nito.
Para sa pagiging tao.
Para sa mga pagkakamaling tama.
Para sa mga pagkakamaling mali talaga.
Para sa pagiging bago,
sa pagbabago ng luma.
Para makilala ang tadhana
at maunawaan ang kapalaran.
Para sa paggawa,
sa pagiging.
Para sa kahapong dumaan na,
sa pagkamulat sa dilim,
sa kulang at sa sobra.
Para sa wala,
sa libog na natutuyo,
sa mga agos ng mga luha
at nakakabusog na tawa.
Para sa marami at sa mga nag-iisa.
Para sa tamis at lason ng kasalanan,
sa mga piping hinaing
at sa sakal ng ating mga dinaramdam.
Para sa pag-ibig na pinaghihirapan,
sa lahat ng hindi natin makakamit.
Para sa mga wala nalang masabi.
Para mabuhay muli.

Sana mahanap natin ang dahilan.

-- JFB

Be happy with yourself.

Being alone can be a scary thing, but it can also be a joyful thing.

You can celebrate the times when you’re alone. Get to know yourself. Do things that rely on very little — reading a good book, writing, playing music, dancing alone, sketching, learning a new skill, travel alone. Go for hikes, discover the world without needing to instantly share it online.

Be alone and be happy with yourself.

You deserve it.

The Point of Weakness

When we realize there is nothing more we can give
To another that would make them happy,
we try to fight to find something that we could.

But when there’s nothing left, do we blame ourselves for our inability to give?

Is this considered as a point of weakness, an act of selfishness or an honest recognition of our limits? Leaving people behind is such an awful business, knowing that you have let them down and failed to fuel their hopes. Being left behind is a tragedy, not having the slightest clue where to go now and having to cope with the torment of loss. On these two opposite poles of frailty, there will be no more comfort or stability and how we wish we could have done something more.

We wish we could have said this, or not have said that. We wish we could have done this instead of doing what we did. We wish we decided not to do anything instead of being so headstrong and overwhelmed by immaturity. We wish we could have saved ourselves by saving those who we could have. We wish we were brave enough to confront our insecurities, wise enough not to destroy other people’s own affairs, bold enough to go through the fires of uncertainty and take the reins of indecision. We wish we were strong enough to cry and not go on pretending that invincibility is all that mattered, we wish we could have had more faith in each other rather than the continuous doubt brought upon by the past (which should have remained where it was). We wish we could have laughed and smiled more than we did and admit to ourselves that this is where it will begin and end. We wish we learned that lesson earlier rather than now which is all too late for reconciling broken promises, wish we had more of ourselves to give.

I wish I could have been able to offer a lot more than what I had.

Would it have made all the difference?
We'll never know, and for that I am eternally sorry.
 

--- JFB

Yoga Changes You

Today, I completed my first ever Yoga workshop. It’s a 15-hour Teacher Training session in preparation for the 200-hour Teacher Training for aspiring Yoga teachers or for yogis who just want to deepen their practice. The workshop highlighted the basics of the Yoga TT. From asana poses to Science of Yoga, anatomy, philosophy, chakras, sutras and a lot more. It was a full weekend. My muscles are burning and my soul is overflowing with happiness and gratitude. I was so lucky to have met wonderful people who shared their time and energy to teach and learn yoga.  

Teacher Training Intensive Program, Urban Ashram Manila

I noticed how my perspective changed after all the lectures and talks. I have progress a lot with my own practice as well, I have gone deeper into my asana poses. I hope I can sustain this lifestyle because I noticed how I’ve become a better person out of it. I made a decision to teach yoga. I’ll give a year to master all the difficult poses and the poses I’m afraid to take like the pincha maruyasana (forearm balance) and then I promise to teach and share the positive energy as well to those who needs it and want to practice yoga as well. 

Joan supporting students who are afraid to go upside down.

Pincha Mayurasana (Forearm Stand)

The workshop is sponsored by Urban Ashram and conducted by Yoga Works’ very own, Joan Hyman. This workshop made me obsessed with pelvis alignment and made me confident in doing my headstands and handstands. I'm still working on my pincha mayurasana. Damn, it was harder than I expected.

Joan prepping us for our headstand.

I’ve wanted to go to TT since last year but I always find reasons to delay it. Joan served as my inspiration to continue and pursue my dreams. Her story is very inspiring, she teaches very well, she’s very passionate about what she does and she touches the lives of her students. In yoga, you need to have a permanent teacher who will guide, help and inspire you. If only I live in the US, I would have picked her. Her students are very lucky.

Bakasana (Crow Pose)

Virabhadrasana II (Warrior 2)

"Atha Yoga Anushasanam", I will start living this sutra to be able to achieve my "dharma" and "moksha". 

Namaste. Om.......

Paraan

Another great OPM song from Mayonnaise. I'm sure a lot of people will relate to this song. I just did! Di ba it feels good knowing someone's out there going out of their way doing everything they can just to be with you and to get you back? Ang sarap ng feeling na may taong hndi kayang mabuhay ng hndi ka kapiling, na sayo lang nila kayang magbago, na ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit sila nabubuhay. Ang cheesy ko, Valentine's eh. We're allowed to be cheesy....

This will be on loop for the rest of the week. 

Check it out: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoyRak4dLsw

Nasira ang lahat ng plano ko
Hindi ko alam kung pano babangon mula sa kalsada mula sa tulay ng hagupit
Ilang taon nakong ganito
Nasanay lang talaga magisa
Naroon ka sa malayong lugar na hindi ko alam

Pasensha na mahirap lang talaga maging ganto
Umaasa sa wala at akoy nalilito
Pagibig ba'y totoo minsan parang gago lang
Sayo lang, sayo lang

Sana malaman ng araw at ng buwan gagawan ko lagi ng paraan, gagawan ko lagi ng paraan

Ayoko man isipin ang wakas
Hindi ko rin naman kasi alam
Kung san nagsimula ang lahat ng ito
Ewan ko ba

Pasensha na kung medyo papansin na naman ako
Wala talagang diskarte ang taong tulad ko
Bakit ba mahirap intindihin ang mundo
Sayo lang, Sayo lang

Sana malaman ng araw at ng buwan gagawan ko lagi ng paraan, gagawan ko lagi ng paraan

Minsan lang matakot sa isang katulad mo
Hindi ko kasi alam ang diskarte sa taong bato
Badtrip lang talaga bakit bako ganito
Sayo lang, sayo lang.

Sana malaman ng araw at ng buwan gagawan ko lagi ng paraan, gagawan ko lagi ng paraan.

I am enough.