This has to stop. It's not helping me. Checking all his updates, giving him information that he doesn't need. He might not care, for all I know. I thought I could be a friend but knowing that he is rambling about someone I barely knew, or doesn't even know at all, makes me jealous. I know, this is insane. After 7 months of not being together. After 4 months of pain, crying and moving on.. I am still in the brink of this same old mess. A mess that should have been gone a long time ago.
Yes, I have moved on. Or I just thought I did. But now, this has to stop. All the hoping, all the caring, all the love I have for him. I know we can still be friends. He's been good to me. But I need to distant myself. I need some time alone, I need some time away from him. I need to learn how to live without him now. Then after that, maybe, just maybe, we can be the best of friends I thought we were. We can't be friends like this. He can't be my friend if he doesn't know what I really feel. He can't be my friend if I can't be honest with my feelings about him.
"It was painful already to know these facts thru your blogs You were supposed to tell me this long time ago. Right before it started! I hate to say this but you do not have one word, Mister! Do you have Alzheimer's already to forget about our conversation? About being honest? Damn! I thought you were different! I was wrong!! I know, I do not have the right to rant about this now but this is how I feel. It's time for you to know how I feel."
This will stop! This battle will end right now. You're not the only one playing hide and seek here. I always play the same game. And I promised myself that I will not lose this time.
I will win this game!