Stop

This has to stop. It's not helping me. Checking all his updates, giving him information that he doesn't need. He might not care, for all I know. I thought I could be a friend but knowing that he is rambling about someone I barely knew, or doesn't even know at all, makes me jealous. I know, this is insane. After 7 months of not being together. After 4 months of pain, crying and moving on.. I am still in the brink of this same old mess. A mess that should have been gone a long time ago.

Yes, I have moved on. Or I just thought I did. But now, this has to stop. All the hoping, all the caring, all the love I have for him. I know we can still be friends. He's been good to me. But I need to distant myself. I need some time alone, I need some time away from him. I need to learn how to live without him now. Then after that, maybe, just maybe, we can be the best of friends I thought we were. We can't be friends like this. He can't be my friend if he doesn't know what I really feel. He can't be my friend if I can't be honest with my feelings about him.

"It was painful already to know these facts thru your blogs You were supposed to tell me this long time ago. Right before it started! I hate to say this but you do not have one word, Mister! Do you have Alzheimer's already to forget about our conversation? About being honest? Damn! I thought you were different! I was wrong!! I know, I do not have the right to rant about this now but this is how I feel. It's time for you to know how I feel."

This will stop! This battle will end right now. You're not the only one playing hide and seek here. I always play the same game. And I promised myself that I will not lose this time.

I will win this game!

The Man at the End of the Movie

Every woman dreams of a perfect man. Someone with a huge mansion, a very promising profession. Tall, dark and handsome. Knows how to play basketball, can drive a speedboat and can fly a plane. A man who can make you smile just by doing nothing. Definitely someone who can make you say “Yes” when he popped the big question. But guess what, that man only exist in the movies. But all of us have their own story, a blockbuster movie to tell. This man still does not exist in mine. At least, not now.

I wish I could find that man. A man who could be at the end of my movie. Someone who can make me cry just by laughing so hard. Someone who would wipe my tears when I’m in pain. Someone who would never leave. A man who has the courage to fight for me. A man who’s willing to sacrifice everything just to be with me. I know my movie doesn’t end like this. I know I will soon find my happy ending. I know this movie will not end, not so soon. I still have so many stories to share. And at the end of it, my man will be there, waiting for me. And when that day comes, I will say Yes!

And my movie will end.