For those you can't have or yet to hold near

I hate waking up from a great dream…

When you open your eyes to consciousness, that’s all it will be – a dream.

Now I’m back to face the antithesis of the scenes that my subconscious conjured up. It’s heartbreaking, and we have all felt it at one point of our lives. Just when we thought things were going as heaven planned, we are snapped right back into our regular and normal lives. Just when I thought it was real, I realize that it’s not as close to existence as I’d hoped or felt. I hate that feeling, this feeling of bitterness that bites me at the peripherals. Every day is now a challenge not to collapse under the weight of your lips or break from the pressure of your hips. It’s tormenting, like that, for all those who have seen their dreams walk right by or sit in front of your eyes then slip away, possibly forever. So when I see you, I am feeling more bitter than I should be, knowing how near you are to my lips, and yet far enough for us to belong in different universes. And I say to myself, “I will never again be a victim!” yet here I am, fighting to breathe each time you ignore me (knowing that it will be the death of me if you spare me a look). So don’t be alarmed by the coldness in my voice, or the stoic expression on my face since it’s the only way I know how to save myself from the lacerations of seeing you walk away and me waking up to find you gone. Each time you get up to leave, don’t make a sound so I will not notice that I already miss you. Each time you come to me, forgive me if I fail to utter the words that will make you feel like everything that mattered. I barely know how to forge a smile on your face or make your insides flutter with tension. All I know is that you are dream that will be gone as soon as I open my eyes, and in order to keep you near enough for me to feel you, I will try my best never to open them again.

--- JFB

Traveling Through Life Alone

But isn’t it scary to travel the world alone? To go through life alone if you feel unprepared?

Yes, it can be scary. That’s the reason to learn to do it.

Don’t know how to find your way in a strange city? Start with the place you live — get lost and find your way back. Learn to use Google Maps, then learn to find visual landmarks. Now branch out into nearby cities. Now take a trip armed with your new skills. Ask for directions. Learn to be OK with getting lost.

Don’t know how to pay bills and manage your life? Start with one bill. Teach yourself life management skills one at a time. Become self-sufficient. It’s better to learn to stand on your own two feet than to have to rely on someone else. If you can be self-sufficient, then relying on someone else is an act of strength, not of weakness.

Don’t know how to protect yourself? Learn to avoid bad situations. Learn to be aware of your surroundings. Learn how to get away. Learn how to defend yourself, at least enough to call for help. You’ll feel more confident in going places alone.

Traveling through life alone is a learning process, but you become stronger as you go. It’s like a child who can’t find his way home alone — doing it the first time is scary, but he’s safer and better off having learned the way.

Bakit?

Para sa mga pangarap na iniwan na natin sa langit.
Para sa posibilidad ng bukas.
Para sa pusong panay peklat na.
Para pagdami ng mga ngiti sa mundo.
Para sa mga iniwan na nating emosyon.
Para sa mga naiwan rin nito.
Para sa pagiging tao.
Para sa mga pagkakamaling tama.
Para sa mga pagkakamaling mali talaga.
Para sa pagiging bago,
sa pagbabago ng luma.
Para makilala ang tadhana
at maunawaan ang kapalaran.
Para sa paggawa,
sa pagiging.
Para sa kahapong dumaan na,
sa pagkamulat sa dilim,
sa kulang at sa sobra.
Para sa wala,
sa libog na natutuyo,
sa mga agos ng mga luha
at nakakabusog na tawa.
Para sa marami at sa mga nag-iisa.
Para sa tamis at lason ng kasalanan,
sa mga piping hinaing
at sa sakal ng ating mga dinaramdam.
Para sa pag-ibig na pinaghihirapan,
sa lahat ng hindi natin makakamit.
Para sa mga wala nalang masabi.
Para mabuhay muli.

Sana mahanap natin ang dahilan.

-- JFB