Thursday, April 17, 2014

For those you can't have or yet to hold near

I hate waking up from a great dream…

When you open your eyes to consciousness, that’s all it will be – a dream.

Now I’m back to face the antithesis of the scenes that my subconscious conjured up. It’s heartbreaking, and we have all felt it at one point of our lives. Just when we thought things were going as heaven planned, we are snapped right back into our regular and normal lives. Just when I thought it was real, I realize that it’s not as close to existence as I’d hoped or felt. I hate that feeling, this feeling of bitterness that bites me at the peripherals. Every day is now a challenge not to collapse under the weight of your lips or break from the pressure of your hips. It’s tormenting, like that, for all those who have seen their dreams walk right by or sit in front of your eyes then slip away, possibly forever. So when I see you, I am feeling more bitter than I should be, knowing how near you are to my lips, and yet far enough for us to belong in different universes. And I say to myself, “I will never again be a victim!” yet here I am, fighting to breathe each time you ignore me (knowing that it will be the death of me if you spare me a look). So don’t be alarmed by the coldness in my voice, or the stoic expression on my face since it’s the only way I know how to save myself from the lacerations of seeing you walk away and me waking up to find you gone. Each time you get up to leave, don’t make a sound so I will not notice that I already miss you. Each time you come to me, forgive me if I fail to utter the words that will make you feel like everything that mattered. I barely know how to forge a smile on your face or make your insides flutter with tension. All I know is that you are dream that will be gone as soon as I open my eyes, and in order to keep you near enough for me to feel you, I will try my best never to open them again.

--- JFB

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