Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
This time, it’s going to be about me!
Happiness is a choice and right now, I chose to be happy!
No more drama!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Don’t blame it on Love! The problem is you! Deal with it!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Ayoko na mag-isip!
Ayoko na magsalita!
Sana wala na lang akong alam!
Sana, wala na lang!!!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
I wish I could be with you always so you won't feel alone again.
I wish you could just let me share with you my world so you can see how wonderful it is.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
ikaw ang nakikita
Sa pagsapit ng dilim,
ikaw ang nais makapiling
Sa bawat tibok nitong puso,
pagmamahal ay mas sumisigla
Sa bawat sakit na nadarama,
ikaw pa rin ang nais makasama.
Paano na kung naglaho ka?
Paano na kung pag-ibig ay wala na?
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
But this year, it was part of my new year’s wish. To get my navel ring, once and for all. Come August of 2009, I went to Bora with my BB girls. It was not planned at all. I was buzzed already and I told them, what the heck! I need to get this done! We met a tattoo artist who happened to have a shop near Juice Bar. He does piercing too! Yey! And that night, I got my navel ring!
Isn’t it nice and sexy?
My first unit was with my 3 girl friends, the KK girls. It was fun though the space was too crowded for us. We had so many crazy and fun moments in that unit. Drunken moments, crying time, crazy games, UAAP games, love blossoms and babies were made. Hahaha! If I can live with them again, I will. But we have separate lives right now. We have different priorities already, I guess. I had problems too with some roomies. You can’t please everyone, even your friend. My second unit was a disaster. It was like living with monster mom. I had a roommate who’s even worse than my mom. Seriously! I never thought it would end our friendship. Oh well.. Things happen for a reason. And now, I live with a friend, just the 2 of us. I get to experience how it’s like to be alone. Really! It’s when I go home at night and she’s not yet there. I get to feel how to live alone, literally and emotionally. It was scary at first. I feel lonely and sad. I feel pain. But then, it gives me the time I need to think about my life, about what I want to happen. Being independent doesn't have to feel you're alone too. I got lost. I realized I need to find myself again. I need to do things for myself and not for other people. I need to find my own happiness instead of relying on someone else to make me happy or make me laugh. That’s the time I realized, I need to stand on my own feet and be strong!
Living alone is scary…. But it’s also fun. You just have to allow it.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
My friend told me to ask an honest question for me to get an honest answer. It’s not that easy. I think I was not ready for this. I never thought that we’ll be like this again. That he would still love me after everything that happened to us. I did a lot of crazy stuff while I was moving on. He found someone who can make him happy. He almost found love in the process of moving on as well. I broke his heart the day I told him about my condition. I feel terrible about it. I wish I shouldn’t have told him about it so that things would still be the same the way we left it. But this happened for a reason. He was right about it. He wouldn’t realize how much I mean to him if this didn’t happen. But still, we can’t be together. I am not ready to be hurt again. As much as I love him, as much as I want him, I’m still scared that one day, he will leave me again. I’m not sure if things will be as easy as before. Right now, I feel jealous every time he’s texting a “girl” friend. I’m not like this before. I know it’s stupid to think of it that way but knowing that he’s not mine, makes me feel that’s there’s no hope in us anymore. That this thing we do is just a leftover reflex from while we were a couple. For all I know, he’s flirting with other girls too. I don’t know! I can’t think straight right now! All I know is that I want him! I still love him! But there are some things we need to fix first before we can be together. There are things we need to find, ourselves maybe. We need to create ourselves again. I’m not sure if he’s ready to commit again. One thing’s for sure, if he’s going to fight for this again, I will too.
I know, you people might say I’m just being paranoid or I’m thinking too much stuff. I know I’ve been too hard on myself lately, thinking of what have I done to deserve something like this. But then I realized, this happened because it was meant to happen. I need to learn from this and learn to live life again. I’ve done crazy stuff to move on. And most of them, I regret. I need to start moving on again. This time, I need to do it the right way. I’ve been relying on other people to make me happy well in fact; I am creating my own solitude. The path I choose is the path I’ll live.
I need to take control of my life from now on.
I need to take control of how I feel.
I need to create my own happiness!
Saturday, October 3, 2009
.....That home wouldn't be complete without him in it.
On that day...
They lost everything.
We can do so much.
Give an hour
For the Ondoy victims.
The ONDOY HOUR.
Friday, August 14, 2009
This has to stop. It's not helping me. Checking all his updates, giving him information that he doesn't need. He might not care, for all I know. I thought I could be a friend but knowing that he is rambling about someone I barely knew, or doesn't even know at all, makes me jealous. I know, this is insane. After 7 months of not being together. After 4 months of pain, crying and moving on.. I am still in the brink of this same old mess. A mess that should have been gone a long time ago.
Yes, I have moved on. Or I just thought I did. But now, this has to stop. All the hoping, all the caring, all the love I have for him. I know we can still be friends. He's been good to me. But I need to distant myself. I need some time alone, I need some time away from him. I need to learn how to live without him now. Then after that, maybe, just maybe, we can be the best of friends I thought we were. We can't be friends like this. He can't be my friend if he doesn't know what I really feel. He can't be my friend if I can't be honest with my feelings about him.
"It was painful already to know these facts thru your blogs You were supposed to tell me this long time ago. Right before it started! I hate to say this but you do not have one word, Mister! Do you have Alzheimer's already to forget about our conversation? About being honest? Damn! I thought you were different! I was wrong!! I know, I do not have the right to rant about this now but this is how I feel. It's time for you to know how I feel."
This will stop! This battle will end right now. You're not the only one playing hide and seek here. I always play the same game. And I promised myself that I will not lose this time.
I will win this game!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
I wish I could find that man. A man who could be at the end of my movie. Someone who can make me cry just by laughing so hard. Someone who would wipe my tears when I’m in pain. Someone who would never leave. A man who has the courage to fight for me. A man who’s willing to sacrifice everything just to be with me. I know my movie doesn’t end like this. I know I will soon find my happy ending. I know this movie will not end, not so soon. I still have so many stories to share. And at the end of it, my man will be there, waiting for me. And when that day comes, I will say Yes!
And my movie will end.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
somebody misses your smile
reassuring, kind and sincere
the touch of your hand
the sound of your voice
the comfort of knowing you're near
somebody misses the magic of the wonderful things you do
the secrets you hold
the dreams you reveal
the way you make wishes come true...
somebody waits for tomorrow
another closer day
to when the hoping is ended,
the wishing is over
and somebody holds you again.
At last, I was able to finish this year’s Misa de Gallo. My first, ever! I was able to hear mass for 9 mornings in San Roque Parish Church (4:30AM) & Holy Family Chapel (5:30AM). Guess what? I was able to wake up in the middle of the night during weekends. Hahaha… I missed the famous puto bumbong, bibingka and hot chocolate. Damn! I gained weight! =P
Most Filipinos believe that if you were able to complete these and you make a wish, it’ll come true. I do not believe in that. Well, I used to but I didn’t complete these Misa de Gallo for just one wish. I was guilty for not being able to hear mass for the past couple of months. I think I owe HIM this one. I’ve been through a lot this year and sometimes, I just wanted to be alone. During those times, I talk to Him. Asking what my life would’ve been if I made different decisions in life. Then I realized, in every decisions I made, He was there, no matter what. He was there to guide me and support me in everything I do. So, whatever path I chose to go to, I know I'll be okay, I'll be fine because I have Him with me.
In our borrowed lives, we have to stop looking for something we can’t have. We should start accepting what was given to us. STOP COMPLAINING! Be thankful and enjoy our blessings. In every decisions we make, we just have to remember that we have to do what we think is best for us and the people around us. We also need to trust Him in directing our lives. He knows best, right?
And now, I am trying to live what I’ve learned from this experience. Start over.
I hope next year’s going to be a good year for me. I’m turning 25 now! Quarter of a century? Doesn’t sound good to me, and I hate it. I don’t feel like celebrating my birthday but I’ll surely have dinner with my family and have some get together nights with my closest friends. I’ll hear mass of course on my big day! I am excited and scared at the same time because I know this means more responsibilities for me so, more decision-making also. But...
... I’ll be fine, I know I will. I have to. =P
It’s a great feeling to see you happy. But it breaks my heart to know that you can’t share your happiness with me.
Maybe you will…
Yes! Yes! And yes! It’s all about him!!!
Can he love you for the things that you cannot give?
… Would that be enough for him?
What if he’s not happy anymore?
… Would you still fight for it?
Would you let go to see him happy instead and lose the fight?
Thursday, May 28, 2009
I used to cry because I think I was not loved.
Now, I cry because I don't think i deserve to be...
I'm single but not ready to mingle.
I'm taken, taken for granted.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
(not in this pic: Jun, Coy, Amats, Abhie, Carla, Cel, Agnes and Dan)
When I was crying, someone was there to make me laugh.
When I did something wrong, someone was there to make me feel alright.
When I want to do something stupid, someone was there to support me.
When I need a friend, someone was there just before I ask.
I love you guys!!! You're the best!!!!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
sometimes, you just need someone or something to make you realize you're doing the wrong things. sooner or later, you would feel worthless and unhappy. by then, you will stand up and search for your old self again. and when you find it, you'll be stronger than ever. you'll never make the same mistakes again. you'll be careful this time. you won't be hurt for the same reason again.
you'll get the hang of it... just hang in there.
before you know it, you'll be alright!
Monday, May 18, 2009
I want to do boxing! Anyone interested? Any suggestions? I want to try Elorde in Katipunan Extension. I have a friend who told me it was nice. I haven’t inquired about it yet but I will find time to have a new hobby. I’m looking for a boxing gym near my place in Pasay too so I can still do boxing when I’m in the south.
Calling all girlfriends!!! Let’s go!!! Time to be sexxaaaayyyyy!!!!! =D
Thursday, May 14, 2009
I’m living a life today where every day’s a mystery. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know what I’m going to feel. Every day, I try to find myself. Every day, I try to figure out what’s the meaning of my existence. Every damn day, I try to find for some answers.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
I used to be a fighter
I used to be strong
I used to be a lover
of the same old boy
What happened to me
I don't know too
When love was lost
I became a ghost
I am new to this feeling
And I don't know how to react
But I'm hoping someday,
Love will find its way back
Monday, May 4, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
I feel so blessed for having them. I miss them so bad! This calls for a special get together soon! =)