Monday, March 24, 2014

The Point of Weakness

When we realize there is nothing more we can give
To another that would make them happy,
we try to fight to find something that we could.

But when there’s nothing left, do we blame ourselves for our inability to give?

Is this considered as a point of weakness, an act of selfishness or an honest recognition of our limits? Leaving people behind is such an awful business, knowing that you have let them down and failed to fuel their hopes. Being left behind is a tragedy, not having the slightest clue where to go now and having to cope with the torment of loss. On these two opposite poles of frailty, there will be no more comfort or stability and how we wish we could have done something more.

We wish we could have said this, or not have said that. We wish we could have done this instead of doing what we did. We wish we decided not to do anything instead of being so headstrong and overwhelmed by immaturity. We wish we could have saved ourselves by saving those who we could have. We wish we were brave enough to confront our insecurities, wise enough not to destroy other people’s own affairs, bold enough to go through the fires of uncertainty and take the reins of indecision. We wish we were strong enough to cry and not go on pretending that invincibility is all that mattered, we wish we could have had more faith in each other rather than the continuous doubt brought upon by the past (which should have remained where it was). We wish we could have laughed and smiled more than we did and admit to ourselves that this is where it will begin and end. We wish we learned that lesson earlier rather than now which is all too late for reconciling broken promises, wish we had more of ourselves to give.

I wish I could have been able to offer a lot more than what I had.

Would it have made all the difference?
We'll never know, and for that I am eternally sorry.
--- JFB

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