Sunday, July 14, 2013

Break-Up Aftermath

They say time is a great healer, but in the moments after a painful break up it seems to be your worst enemy, moving painfully slowly as each second pierces your heart with a thousand arrows. Moving on after a break-up, in many ways, is the toughest thing to do. It is not just about getting over a relationship, but also about picking up the pieces of your life and making a fresh start. After a break-up, it is common to experience a cycle of undeniable emotions.

Some events can be so excruciating that denial is the first emotion you face. At the time you may think that all that is happening is just a small hiccup, that the break-up will not last, and that it is only matter of time until you are back together again. This is a particularly painful stage as places, people, and even small things can bring back memories of your time together. What you do need to remember is that is all there is left - memories. What's over is gone and now it is time to look forward and move on to the next phase of your life.

Anger and Irritation
You can't believe you wasted so much time and effort on a partner who didn't appreciate you. You are angry with yourself, your ex, and the world in general. You promise yourself never to let anyone hurt your emotions in the way they are hurting right now. You build a wall around yourself and curse yourself for not being able to see the signs that led to the break up. You blame other people so that you can feel good but that’s not going to help either. You need to acknowledge how you feel and start forgiving yourself. You are responsible for yourself, not your ex nor your family and friends.

Your self-esteem takes a beating after you've been dumped. Someone who validated your presence has actually turned around and told you that he doesn't care about you anymore, let alone love you. It is a bitter pill to swallow, but what you should remember is: if someone leaves you for someone else - it is not your fault. Just because in a library filled with classics, someone chooses Dostoevsky over Hemmingway, doesn't make Hemmingway a bad writer. Some people are just not meant to be together. You have to accept that.
Moving On
So you think you are over your ex, but how do you really know that you are ready to move on? It is the simple things, like when you meet an attractive person and do not compare the person in front of you to your ex. Depending upon how bad the break-up, it will take weeks and sometimes months or years to get over the feelings of pain, betrayal, and loneliness. Even if you see or hear something that brings back memories, it is okay. Don't take it as a sign that you aren't ready to meet new people. Accept your relationship as a learning tool and cherish the precious memories you had. The important thing is that you resolve all the anger, pain, insecurity, and intimacy issues that you may have before you move on because you really don't want to carry a ton of emotional baggage on your next date or relationship.

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