Monday, July 15, 2013

You can never lose what you never had....

Falling in love was never easy. It gets complicated if you don’t know what to do about it. Even worse if you find yourself stuck in this wonderful feeling and you have no idea what the other person feels for you or you knew that s/he may never love you back. This is from a good friend who’s been in this horrible situation. I know you’re just holding on to the thought of it because it’s wonderful. It’s okay! Your time to let go will come, just wait for it. You’ll know when it’s time.
"Here I come again, making another post about the so called greatest feeling in this world—LOVE. After expunging out all my views about this topic barely 2 years ago, I found myself in the middle of this shit again.

This is one of the mornings after another sleepless night that I cannot help not to ask myself, why didn’t I have a goodnight sleep again? Maybe it’s because I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately, or maybe at the back of my mind, there’s this wishful thought that someone might be thinking about me. I would joke myself about it several times and I would sometimes push myself to believe that jokes are always half-meant. Behind that joke, there’s this thought of someone that would again bounce in my head and disturb my sanity and make my day half-miserable.

For the nth time, I’ve told myself that he was just too nice and there’s no sense of thinking that there will be any possibility between the two of us to happen. It’s time to move on and face the reality. I came across this movie, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and Kate Hudson’s line saying “ I can never lose what I never had” never fails to struck me. It’s not 10 days in my case, but I definitely lost him. Reality bites and it even swallows me with the fact that he took me in a fantasy world where no real action exists, no real emotions surfaced. It’s not easy to be locked in a chain of false hopes and leads you to befriend with Cinderella and Snow White waiting for our Prince Charming to come along. How pathetic, but it happened to me several times, history is repeating itself over and over again…

I have thought about this a thousand times before and I have cautioned myself over and over again that I have stopped counting already. The hardest part of it is to accept the fact that he will never give me the attention I long for because it is for somebody else in the first place. Inasmuch as I would like to erase him from my mind, I CANNOT- or should I say I don’t want to?? Whatever the reason, I cannot bring him back. I am not sure about my feelings for him, and I know that I cannot have the best of both worlds. Much as I immensely enjoyed his company before, I think I should momentarily stop this stupidity because I am bound to get hurt and I think this the right time to make an end to it all. More often than not, the conversations we’ve had, the bottle of beers we shared, and even the arguments and make-up we had still lingers in my mind and makes me long for something I cannot have and someone who cannot be mine. It hurts to admit that I am just pretending.

All the while, I already knew the truth but I chose to ignore it. All along I was struggling this feeling towards him. I was so confused, this is from the very start wrong but I didn’t know what was right anymore. I did not want things to take different turns, I was happy then with the way we were, contented and satisfied.But too late that I realized that the heart will never learned its lesson once it tasted bliss. No matter how momentary it was, it couldn't be stopped. All the more it would reach for something beyond what was at hand. No measure of rationality would prevent it from beating, despite the foreseen pain, the inevitable frustrations and coming sleepless nights.I cannot merely stay the same, stall life with indecision. To wait for things to happen makes too little sense. And as what I’ve heard from my dear friend last night, “Life just has to move on.” I know it would be very difficult because memories will always have a way of keeping me trapped in the past, miserable in the present and hopeless in the future."

--- Anonymous

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